What's your perfect number?

Monday, February 3, 2014

...A perfect number of children, that is…

Did it change after you had your first one or do you think it will? Or you have it planned well ahead and certain about your choice? For us, I think three would be the magic number: Balazs + me + a baby.

A few weeks ago I read an article about how a family of three is often portrayed as not the real deal, and that people tend to say that every child needs a sibling. The woman in the article was made to think that she did something wrong for choosing to have just one child.

Now, late last year, I read Ashley’s thoughts on expending her family of three, and how she wasn’t sure what's the best way forward. To her surprise, a few months later she got pregnant and now she is about to give birth to a little baby girl and become a family of four! Sweet how things work out, isn’t it?

Another example of family planning is my friend, who 10+ years ago told me that she wanted to have four children, three of her own and one adopted. She is on her third one right now and seems that her plan hasn't changed as for as I know.

One thing for sure: as with many things in life, there is always more than one way of doing things - there will be different opinions, pros/cons lists.
Tracy-Ann Oberman from the first article said something that totally put my mind at ease:

After all, everyone’s family is perfect exactly as it is.

What's important is to respect each other's choices, and the way we make our families complete.

So without judgment and preconceived notions, I’d love to know how many kids you see yourself having, if any? xo

P.S: More things babies and future baby names. Do you have them picked out?
P.P.S: And this still melts my heart.

(Photo via Emma)

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm happy you wrote this because I recently had the same conversation with a friend who made me feel terrible for not wanting more childer. I have twin 2 year old boys. I find that they are my perfect number right now and probably for ever. When I was younger, my partner and I were thinking about 2 maybe 3. It changed.

Anonymous said...

I actually always wanted to have a house full of children - 5 was my magic number - but as I grew older - I am now in my 30ies and no right partner was there, I was wondering about that.

Then I thought I still can have 1 or 2 children and had no problem of waiting another year or two until I recently found out that I am biologically not able to ever have children..... that kind of changes everything. So right now I am kind of lost. I´d love to adopt, still, but that´s not easy and definitely not when you´re single. Time will tell, I guess.

Rebecca H said...

My heart goes out to anonymous who recently found out she can't have children. Sending you a little mental hug, wherever you are!

When all is said an done, I think our perfect number will be 5 (me + my partner F + 3 babies). F and I have, at times, wishfully dreamed of a house full of children. As many as we could make (within reason)! Then, we had our first child and after what seemed like the 100th sleepless night, F turned to me and asked if maybe we could edit our list down a bit.

I think 3 rug rats running around would be perfect. And well spaced so that just as soon as you begin to forget these wonderful baby years, another one is on its way to bring you that joy all over again.

Jillian Manesh said...

i love this! i want two children, h wants three.. i think i can get on board with three (i;d just like to see how the first one goes!) we both want to adopt at least one child (probably a toddler, since they are often overlooked compared to adopting a baby). :) i do think a family of 3 (total) sounds nice too! people shouldnt put ANY pressure on others! they are not the ones raising the baby! stop by, im hosting a giveaway. xo jillian - cornflake dreams

Eliza Jane said...

The Fella and I plan to have "as many as we can afford", with a minimum number of two. I'm an only child - I have two step-brothers, and a much older half sister who grew up a world away from me - but it's not the same. Basically I was raised an only child, as my brothers didn't come into my life until I was 12. I have always, ALWAYS felt I was missing out, and my deepest wish has always been that I had a sibling. At least one. To share my growing-up experiences with, and my "wow isn't mum/the family crazy" experiences and thoughts with, and to look out for each other. Someone who just innately *knows*. All of my friends with siblings always say that they couldn't imagine their lives without them, or they wouldn't have been able to survive xyz without them. And I've always wished I had that. So, I am not making my child be an only child!

Keely said...

I always wanted a houseful of children, but alas that was not in the cards for me. After being diagnosed with cancer just after our daughter turned 1, I am no left with no hope of anymore biological children. We have discussed adopting, but for now our little family of three doesn't seem to be missing anyone. That said, I am no longer surprised by the hateful things people say about our having an only child. Who are they to say what should work for us? It's in those times I do love to lay out my cancer card and watch them shrivel into themselves.

Melissa Blake said...

Hmmm, i've always thought 2 would be perfect. growing up with my sister was perfect! xoxo

Mary Jo said...

This is such an interesting post. I would like to be an adoptive mom at some point. A friend made a disparaging remark a few months back about women with no children and it was shocking to me that people think like that, I still haven't really gotten over it. I think it would be nice if we could be tolerant of everyone's choices.

xo Mary Jo

Merry Meri said...

I think 3 would be a wonderful number, which surprises me because I'm 1 of 2 and always saw the logic in my mom's "2 hands, 2 kids" motto! I would love to have the bandwidth (emotionally, financially, physically) to have 2 biological children and adopt a third - the idea of giving a loving home to a child in need seems like the ultimate act of kindness (and I love reading that I'm not alone in that thought!) What a great conversation you've started - xox:)

Vanisha @ Vanishas Life In...Australia said...

We thought we'd have three as well, but early last year we found out that I couldn't have children. It was devastating. I'm only 27. But we've dealt with it and moved on. our 9yo niece is currently living with us and we've decided against adoption, though it was on the cards fora very long time. I think we're happy with our lives as it is. It's been quite a journey to get to this point but here we are :)

Ana Degenaar said...

Awwww! I think 2 :)
All my prayers and love to Anonymous. xx

Steph said...

Funny question. I never used to be able to see myself having kids. I see it more now, sometimes. I bat the question back and forth and it's always 2 or none in my head!

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

I changed my mind a lot between having kids and not when I was younger, but when I decided to, I think I mostly pictured myself with two kids – maybe three, but no more.

I grew up as an only child and I can tell you that while I was saved from being spoiled by the fact that I was just one of many kids in the family (extended family, Italian thing) and nobody got preferential treatment, I still had lots of moments when I felt lonely, and I truly wish I had had a sibling growing up.

I vacationed and celebrated all holidays and birthdays with all my aunts and uncles and cousins, and we are extremely close, but I see the bond my daughters have (despite their age difference - 7 years!) and I truly wish I had had that with someone when I was growing up.

That said... I am not one for a big family. 4 kids already sounds like a lot to me :-)

Luzelle said...

I think two would be perfect for us. We travel a lot and I fear that the 3rd one might get lost in an airport somewhere. Haha! With mama keeping her eye on one and papa on the other, we'll be alright! Very excited about starting a family if it's meant to be...

Anonymous said...

even as the second if seven kids ( my mom wanted 6 & my dad 8, and my moms sixth pregnancy resulted in twins so it turned out to be the perfect compromise) I see nothing wrong with only having one child. Me and all my siblings were horribly jealous of only children growing up, and a family of three sounds lovely. That said, Though I previously only ever wanted one child, lately I've been entertaining the thought of having 3 or 4... Or even five! I've concurred the want of a large family must be a genetic trait, and because my younger brother also has said he'd like six or so children. It's funny how life works out. At the end of the day, as long as they are healthy, I'll be happy with however many children I am able to have (whether it be 1 or 5)

Diana Mieczan said...

Oh I am so sorry, Anonymous! I wish I could give you a huge hug right now. Our friends adopted a 3year old little boy a few years ago. They were in their 40-s. I will be thinking about you. xoxo

Diana Mieczan said...

That is a wonderful plan, Rebecca H:)

Diana Mieczan said...

Eliza, how interesting and what a good point. I think, if our child would really want a sibling, I would maybe consider having a second baby.

Diana Mieczan said...

Keely, your story moved me to tears and your family of three sounds magical:) How old is your daughter now?

Diana Mieczan said...

Meri, I love your mom's motto and yes, giving a loving home to a child in need is so very special. And Vanisha, I am so sorry! My heart goes out to you, sweetie. Btw: your little niece is so wonderful!

Diana Mieczan said...

Steph, how interesting! I love how our mind works:)

Diana Mieczan said...

I love what you said about your daughters, Elisa:) Btw: the age difference between my brother and I is 7 years as well:)

Diana Mieczan said...

Luzelle, I LOVE that and it seems like the perfect plan:) You made me smile with the airport idea:) I adore that.

Diana Mieczan said...

Yes, it's funny how life works out, Anonymous and I love that you are coming from a big family. You know, I read an article about family planning and how genetic traits come into the decision making. How interesting! Btw: your last sentance melted my heart. Love!

Diana Mieczan said...

Jillian, yes you are so right...toddlers are very overlooked since most people would like a newborn baby. I love your plan:)

Diana Mieczan said...

Mary Jo, I totally agree! "Everyone should be tolerant of everyone's choices". I love that!

Diana Koen said...

Very interesting topic! I have a brother and I thought I can`t imagine my kid to be alone. She just turned one. I`m so deeply in love with my kid that right now I ca`t imagine to spend the time with one more kid. BUT never say never :))))

Diana Mieczan said...

Diana :)

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